kenzi started kindergarten at five years old and things were ok, but not as great as i had hoped. she was beginning to receive speech therapy in school. parent/teacher conferences ended with me in tears while my husband stayed strong through it all.
my husband had convinced me it was time to make an appointment with the autism dr in our state. we sent in all the paperwork and made phone calls, but in the end they decided not to give us an appointment. i was shocked that a dr could actually refuse to see someone.
speech therapy and a few special services continued on through third grade. we decided again that it was time to find a dr and get her in. we started with our family dr. our doctor is amazing and she sat and talked with kenzi and i for a very long time and called us a few days later with another option. she had found another dr in anchorage that would see us. we made an appt immediately. at this point makenzi was nine years old and i was finally ready to accept. accept a diagnoses that i had fought for so many years. a diagnoses that would help my sweet child and change our lives. a diagnoses i knew in my heart was true and was what made my daughter the amazing girl she is.
after two appointments and five diagnoses later we felt relief. relief might sound weird but with my new found acceptance i realized that i couldn't truly help my child until i could accept the fact that she was autistic and life would be a little more difficult for her.
why had this taken me so long? i felt guilty, i felt like everything was my fault. why her? why did she have to have this? ultimately it didn't matter, this was reality and we are her parents, we love her more than anything and we will do everything to help her.